Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
