I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
