i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
