if i can run in heels then i can drive
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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