I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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