I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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