thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize