We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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