just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
