You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
operation have a gay friend backfired
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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