So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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