just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
