Having a random hookup so left but love u
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
