hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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