we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
