I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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