they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
