she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
