Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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