My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
