3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone shattered a urinal.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
