and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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