So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
