If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
