Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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