it was like fucking gandolphs beard
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He better not be in your backpack
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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