Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
