That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
