hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize