pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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