the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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