Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
