Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
