Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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