Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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