The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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