This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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