His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
