my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
