if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
