I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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