I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
