i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
