it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
