My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
