I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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