thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
