That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
