do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
