dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
