the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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