Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
