bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
