Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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