oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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