I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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