We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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