at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is my gift to your gina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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