now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
