lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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