I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
