i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
