i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't put those talents on a resume
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
