we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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