Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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