that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
