also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
