it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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